Ugh, you know that feeling when someone likes you, but you’re not really attracted to them, but they’re really nice to you so you try to be nice back. And then you realize that answering their texts is probably making them think you like them, but you don’t want to be rude so you just keep sending back short messages hoping that they’ll get the point. But then it’s a week later and they’re still texting you and with every new text you just dislike them more and more.

Yeah this is happening right now. And I never know what to do when I get the feeling a guy likes me but I’m really not into them. I usually am really forward with how I feel but then this guy told me I was doing it all wrong, so now I really don’t know how to handle situations like this. This is what happened. I met this guy through a friend and he was pretty cool and we got along well. Then one day he called me to go out to dinner in the city. I felt like I was on the spot because a) I don’t know when the last time a person actually CALLED me on the phone and b) I couldn’t think of a nicer way to say, “I’m just not that into you” so *obviously* the next best thing was “sure! let’s go!” -.-

Then the next day I texted him saying that he was cool but I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression and maybe we should hang out  instead with all our other friends in a group sometime. I thought it was a very nice and courteous text, not too rude or forward with my feelings. He told me we should still go to dinner anyways, just as friends. So we did, and it was actually really nice. I did get the feeling that he was still trying to impress me on the date but I guess that’s what naturally happens when a guy and a girl go out to a nice dinner together. So later in the night he told me that no one has ever denied a dinner with him like that before and I made it super awkward for him. He kept asking him why I texted him that and telling me it made the situation 10x more awkward than it had to be. I was pretty shocked because I thought I was being the mature person in the situation by telling him how I felt so as not to waste his time or mine. And I’ve pretty much always done this with all the guys that I wasn’t into.  Sometimes they get super defensive but most of the time I just get a “ok maybe some other time” and we both move on. But this guy kind of made me feel like I was being weird by telling him, thanks but no thanks.

For the record, I don’t constantly have a bunch of guys that I’m denying left and right. And I am sensitive to guys’ feelings if they ask me on dates that I’m just not into. I think you should never feel bad for not liking someone anyways. I’ve been rejected plenty of times also and the best way to approach dating is to know that if someone doesn’t really like you and tells you so, they’re saving you time that you might have wasted on them anyways.

So…for the current situation with this new guy texting me (like constantly, I’m not kidding)…I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell him that he’s annoying me and please stop (in a nicer way), or am I supposed to just go on a date with him than deny the second date? Or am I supposed to just ignore his texts completely?  I’ve been making it super obvious (to me at least, but I guess that’s the problem) by just sending one word responses and not asking him any questions back. I just want to know the most tactful way to deal with these things because I know it takes a lot of guts to say “I like you” to someone.

This post makes me feel like i’m in high school. I’m 23, have been in the dating game for over 7 years and this are still just as blurry. Dating is always annoying and awkward when you’re not dating the person you like I guess.

 

 

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